IS COUNSELLING A GOOD IDEA?

26 November 2022

I think everyone benefits from counselling - assistance, especially from a professional, with the resolution of personal difficulties - in the sense that we are all curious about who we are, we want to know more about ourselves, to understand and improve, as well as to stave off stresses and low-level anxiety... that is the mark of this period in human history, at least in advanced economies. It wasn't like that in the past, we have moved from an agricultural society to an industrial society and finally to an identity society.

AGRICULTURAL

In the past, people just survived, most people were right at the bottom of Maslow's hierarchy. The purpose of existence was to have large families of children who would grow up and help them on the farm and look after them in their old age. And furthermore, they all belonged to the same community, the same Faith, the values and beliefs were shared by everyone, the same way of thinking, and so there was no need to question anything, no need to think too much, you just obey, you get on and do it. We saw that most clearly in Bali in the Hindu Society in Bali, where rituals and practises, repeated over the generations, take up 40% of their time and their money, apparently.

INDUSTRIAL

Then what happened is that economies started to industrialise, which means moving from fields to factory, from country to town... the development of banks made money available to entrepreneurs, building factories to mass produce things and railways to transport raw materials and finished goods. Building factories, taking people from the country and making them work in factories, living in cities and in mass housing projects, where you are less watched over by your neighbours, they know less about you and you know less about them, and care less, and so lots of funny things can happen when social controls are relaxed. 

If you live in a city, children turn from being a help and an investment on the farm, and become instead an inconvenience and an expense in the flat...so urbanisation brings many changes, notably more complex social relations, more money, more free time, more temptation.

Plus in the late 17th and 18th centuries, accompanying industrialisation, we went through the enlightenment, a period that revolutionised our thinking, from in praise of God to search for beauty truth and justice, emphasising reason and individualism rather than tradition, a time in Europe where philosophers such as Descartes, Locke, and Newton, and Kant, Goethe, Voltaire, Rousseau, and Adam Smith, moved us away from a society governed by rules set by a divine being who must be obeyed, to a world where it is we who remake the rules in a process of negotiation with our neighbours. The religious and political, church and state, sceptre and sword, are separated, state legislatures take over from royal families and lords, the rise in the West of democratically-elected republics.

After the food-delivery economy came this product-delivery economy. To this industrial operating model  producing things, were added layers of management to oversee operations; and expert units (accountants, legal, personnel...) to support managers. 

Thus the birth of the middle class. This moved advanced economies on from food, to products, to services ie to service-delivery.

Universal education was now needed, women went out to work, legislation for equality between the genders and human rights was passed ... all of which challenged our clear and simple traditional, stable, roles and responsibilities; increased the pace of change and complexity of our lives; thus adding to our neuroses and confusion.

IDENTITY

And then when you live in the city and you are subject to all these demands and contradictions and questions (how many children shall we have? Shall I go out to work too?...), and there are many different and diverse groups living side by side with only an oily curtain to separate them, you have started to experience personal freedom and choice, but you must start thinking for yourself, and at the same time you are stressed as family and friends networks break down, or anxiety levels generally rise as you are alienated from most processes that affect you, ie you lose control of your life, and you expect more from a partner and friends (life partner, lover, business partner, intellectual equal, parent-substitute, amateur counsellor even!...).

In all this, you'll become more awake, conscious, individualist, ie more aware of yourself, having to fend for yourself, alone in a complex world, you are a small boat navigating the tides of circumstance; and maybe seeking "self-realisation" or "self-actualisation" for yourself, wanting to distinguish yourself from your siblings, from your peers, needing different friends for these new roles and personal interests.

This is possible, through education and opportunity, and indeed entertainment, diversity and self-development become the highest goals: you are different, you are gifted, you are unique, you are full of talent and potential....but you are stressed, anxious, confused, possibly depressed by your non-conformity.

And so, you begin to ask who you are, so there are questions now about your identity, how to fulfill your potential, where you are heading, the long-term decisions that only you can take, and that's where some of us are at the moment.

 ... "why am I different?" 

Because we are a herd animal and herd animals all try to be the same as everyone else, so moving away from the group causes a neurotic - and often creative - gap to open up, as happiness and inner peace diminishes and we feel challenged to conform to the expectations of others, maybe those of our traditional parents. We are a kind of herbivore mostly, we want to be like the others, like sheep, and we don't really like to be different... and yet we do.

YOU

You want to know who you are, you want to know about yourself, you want to understand yourself, you want to know why you have not followed the traditional path in your society and how to actualise your great talent to achieve something of value ... and this is where counselling comes in as the counsellor will be able to explain these things, help you to understand, find and harness your motivation. So a journey of self-discovery and getting the train back on the rails of self improvement.

And many of us are very curious and open-minded and also troubled by complexity and diversity and alienation and lack of belonging, and this is how we become interested in identity and self improvement. Very positive developments for us all.

CONCLUSION

There is nothing wrong with seeking knowledge of self, of social relations and self improvement. Employing a competent counsellor is an effective way to advance this process. It can bring important insights, lasting improvements, greater happiness and inner peace. If shared, it can lead to enlightment and wisdom for all. 

For many, this might mean revealing one's secret feelings and thoughts. It doesn't of course mean that you are ill in some mental way! not at all ... it's just a reflection of a higher intelligence, a greater curiosity and open-mindedness, a willingness to work and change. What makes you different from other people is a source of your wonderful uniqueness, but also a source of suffering (because as I say we are herd animals), so a desire to be happier and more productive than you are at the moment ... and that is the mark of an intelligent and spiritually awake person.